How to build confidence by challenging yourself
Self-Confidence grows when you give yourself evidence of what you're capable of. This article and podcast epsiode talks through some simple tools you can use to do that.
Nathalie Kealy
9/21/20263 min read
Listen here for the Podcast Episode on Setting Challenges
Is there better feeling than setting your-self a challenge, seeing your-self overcoming it and giving your-self an all might pat on the back?
For me; nothing quite beats it. It is the biggest confidence boost I can give myself. In fact challenge setting is my favourite fail safe tool to help clients connect to their inner sense of self-belief and self-confidence with no therapy needed. Why? Because in one simple action you can watch fears dissipate to nothing and feel empowered by your own abilities.
This is no fluke. There’s a reason setting challenges works and it all lies in fear.
In this blog/ podcast I’ll tell you why setting challenges is the most effective tool for self-confidence there is and my secret tips as inner-confidence coach on how to do this in the most effective way.
THE PROCESS OF EFFECTIVE CHALLENGE SETTING FOR CONFIDENCE BOOST
For me challenges come in all shapes and sizes, from daily challenges to help me manage my procrastinating ways, to those giant steps into the unknown, to confront my fears and break out of my comfort zone.
The most important thing about setting yourself an effective challenge is ensuring it’s something that is achievable. Now this doesn’t mean setting yourself something easy, because then of course it won’t be a challenge. But it means ensuring it’s something that practically you can accomplish. So it’s striking that balance between knowing it’s something that’s pushing your boundaries but also not so farfetched that you could never reach it. If the challenge isn’t achievable you run the risk of creating the opposite effect to that you desire. i.e. lowering your confidence and self-belief rather than empowering yourself.
THE ACHIEVABLE TEST
If you want a simple tool to help you ensure your challenge is achievable consider this goal setting tool. SMART.
Specific (what do I want to specifically accomplish)
Measureable (how will I know when I have achieved it)
Attainable/action (how will I go about achieving this goal)
Relevant (does this help me / seem worthwhile for my time)
Timely (when do I want to complete this by/ what are the timescales)
An example:
I recently recognised for my confidence that I wanted to feel more comfortable spending time on my own in public places without the security of going on my phone. This of course is not very specific or measurable; in fact this is more the end result, rather than the challenge. So using the SMART goal setting tool, the following challenge was set:
I will do 3 experiences that involve being my own in a public space (specific). I will achieve this over the next year (measurable and timely). I will eat dinner on my own in a restaurant, go to the cinema on my own and spend time reading in a café on my own (attainable/ action). This will push me out of my comfort zone and help towards my end goal of feeling more confident within myself (relevant).
USUALLY WE ARE ADDRESSING FEARS
Usually (not always) a challenge is a challenge because it is addressing a fear that has prevented you from achieving something. Sometimes it might be practical barriers but the most powerful challenges in boosting our confidence are often the ones that are addressing our fears.
Cheryl Strayed describes it wonderfully as ‘giving fear a seat at the table.’ By facing a challenge we are welcoming in the fear, accepting it and giving it a chance to show us something about ourselves. Often fear is seen as a feeling that we don’t want to experience, a feeling that we reject but actually the best thing we can do with fear is accept it. I like to view it like when we are told to do the opposite to our instincts if our car is spinning. We are told to turn into the spin rather than try and correct it. It’s like this with fear. Our instinct is to turn away from it but by turning in to it we can really use it as a vehicle for positive change and development.
TRY IT
So why don’t you try it. Use this process to help you identify some
Write a list of things that you have been putting off
Drill down on each one and really think about what is at the route of why you aren’t doing it
Ask yourself does fear sit at the root of it, fear of failing, fear of judgement, fear of being vulnerable….
Choose one with fear at the root and use the SMART tool to set yourself the challenge to overcome it
When you’ve completed it, reward yourself. Take yourself on a self-date or buy yourself a treat, whatever. Just make sure you take a moment to acknowledge the challenge you have successfully overcome.
Note: If you weren’t successful in completing it this time, no drama. Sometimes we aren’t able to predict barriers that may come up. Simply review your plan, taking into consideration these barriers.